Life.
Well it happened, life kept on going. I've been watching it. It's been beautiful.
It's been a challenge. It's been fulfilling. It's been hard. And it's been the best gift. Along with all of the blessings, we have our trials, much like everyone else. Winter of 2022 slowly crawled in, one thing I've notice since being in Mendon I tend to fall into the winter blues much easier. I'm certain that every winter for the last three years I gain weight. Im lazy as all heck, and I have no eff in the world to do anything. I love being around Dennie and the kids, but do I want to do anything, NOPE! Poor Dennie has tried over and over to figure me out but the challenge is real. He's probably barely holding on. I don't know how I got so lucky to have him never give up on me. I hope he never does. If you ever read this Dennie I owe you so much love and thanks.
I've noticed in my years of trial while binge watching Sweet Magnolias and eating everything sugar, that my brain fog has hit me like a bolt of lightening. Brain Fog you say.... binge watching Netflix and eating sugar... duh! Stop doing that and maybe things will get clearer. But telling me to exercise and stop eating sugar is rude honestly. Truthfully, my core is exhausted. Doing and eating what I love is the only thing I can control lately. I've also learned for someone like me, who I'm pretty sure is a Hypochondriac, I struggle with letting go of Trauma. I think I'm depressed, I think I have anxiety, I think I have brain fog. Which then I actually act as if I do in fact have all of those. Don't worry I'm going to go to therapy! Since a young girl I would hold onto things forever. Good or Bad. It's time for me to stop holding onto everything. I need to move on from past trauma. I need to lighten my load and that starts with me. Learning you cant help others til you fix yourself has been a tough cookie to bite. I hope my kids forgive me for struggling. For the weekends we didn't do a whole lot, for the memories we could have made. For the lazy days when I didn't care.
I have mentioned recent trauma but I don't think that I've blogged about it. (see brain fog!) So in short and for the future readers of my blog I've attached what was read by myself during a court hearing in October of 2021. This hearing was dragged through the mud and was awaited for nearly two years. So when the time came I had the words. I was ready. I read this in front of my supportive family, lawyers, officers, media, and a Judge. I was ready but a crying wreck.
This is the first time sharing this I hope it gives me a sense of freedom. Almost like letting it into the universe. Letting it go.
Over the last year and a half I have thought about what I would say if or when I take a stand in front of this court. But when it comes down to it and writing the words down I find my self in ruins. I’m all over the place. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m confused. I’m burdened. I’m frustrated, frustrated because no amount of words can express the horrors we have had to live with in the last year and a half.
Charles was always confused on how to act towards my family. He was always awkward, smoked way to much weed and used foul language in all of the inappropriate times.
I believe, He unintentionally made everyone uncomfortable. Some part of me felt bad for him. Hearing story’s of his own childhood. Knowing he didn’t have any family. We were all he had. His wife Storm, his step son Dennie myself and our children. We were his family.
We didn’t ignore the awkwardness of Charles, we just delt with it. Because that’s what family does.
Dennie and I got married in 2007. We got pregnant shortly after being a young couple so we decided to move in with Charles and Storm. I seen first hand how quickly he can turn from a normal human to being to an angered man who lays hands on you if you mis-step. I was only a few months pregnant when I had to pry Charles hands off of my barely 20 year old husbands neck.
That was the first time I’ve ever experienced anything like that. I’ve never seen a man so angry. I’ve never seen a man abuse another.
I could go on about the things I experienced while living in that house, but I’ll spare you the time.
We moved out. We grew our family.
Charles has always shut the world out. Closing the blinds. Smoking weed more than not. Drinking way to much. Threatening Storm to kick her out of their home. Physically and mentally Abusing her. Threatening to kill storm, Dennie, myself, and my children started to become a habit. He was isolating himself. He was changing and not for the better. Charles would threaten to harm our animals. He would yell at my kids til they cried. Before long he forced storm to take down pictures of Dennie myself and the kids. He isolated storm from everyone. Soon she began to get in trouble if dinner wasn’t made. If she wasn’t home on time. Gradually over time he became a monster.
I can’t count the number of times Storm had to stay at out home because her home wasn’t her home or because she was scared for her own life.
Just a few months before he threatened to kill us. Storm looked me in the eye and begged me to make sure she gets an autopsy if she ever ends up dead. She was certain that she was going to die and it wasn’t going to be an accident. I felt unsettled.
Threats to kill storm started to become a habit every argument they had. Charles not only would threaten to kill Storm but her only son, his step son, Dennie. He was so enraged that to punish Storm he would threaten to QUOTE “take your family out”.
When I found out he was threatening to not only kill Storm. But my family I was not ok with it. I stood my ground. My children weren’t allowed to see their grandpa, Charles. He wasn’t welcome in our home. Not that it phased him in anyway. He had so much hatred towards us all, already.
I couldn’t tell you why Charles hated me so much. But I’ll tell you that I wasn’t ok with abuse. I wasn’t ok with threats to kill our animals. I wasn’t ok with promises to kill My family.
A man who needs people to bow down to him thrives at every demand. But I did no such thing. Maybe this is why he was so angry towards me. I didn’t allow Charles to hurt my children or Dennie. Both Dennie and I helped Storm when she was in need. Maybe this is why he had so much hatred and anger. Charles is and always has been a cold bitter revengeful man.
The day of January 24, 2020 was another morning full of running around begging our four beautiful children to get ready for the day. The kids and I had planned to walk to school being that it is literally around the block from our home. As I do my morning begging to get dressed, brush teeth, and put on deodorant standing in the bathroom doing my hair, I get a phone call from my, yet again, very frantic mother in law. In my head I was thinking “really this again?” You see judge this is a habit for my Mother in Law to call me crying frantically because her spouse, Charles W. Leff, has threatened her life yet again. But this time it was much different. I hear a sheer terror in her voice as she begs me to stay inside of our home. “Don’t go outside!” “He’s coming to kill you!”
Being the busy mom that I am I tend to use my phone on speaker (more than I should). At this point, your Honor, my children are at the bathroom door in tears hearing that their Grandpa has yet again hurt their Grandma. Not only that, he’s on his way to kill us. They are listening like a hawk watches their prey. I see tears roll down their cheeks as I convince Storm that Charles isn’t crazy enough to come all this way to kill us.
He isn’t crazy enough to drive this way! He stopped talking to us. He wouldn’t allow her to visit us without consequences. He even took down pictures of us in his home. He wouldn’t drive over here to take the time out of his day. “Storm please get out of that house if he comes back, he’s coming for you!” At this point I asked my kids to finish getting ready for school and closed the bathroom door. She kept repeating “please don’t go outside, please”. “Don’t let the kids outside”
Finally like I always do. I calmed her down and convinced her to get her stuff and leave the house. Because he’s likely to come back home for her. Storm still frantic, We hang up.
Wow that was quite the phone call, it’s getting worse. Deep breath. That won’t happen, right? Time to go reassure the kids everything will be ok!
I open the door and do such that. We have a Group hug. We wipe our tears. I reassure my four children. No one will ever hurt us, grandma will be ok.
“Ok let’s get ready” but not minutes later. My daughter yells,
“Mom!!! CHARLIE JUST DROVE BY!”
Your honor. I’d ask you to please envision this moment. I just wiped their tears. I reassured them no one is coming to kill them, nor I.
You see your honor my husband works out of state. So being the woman of the house 75% of the time I am strong. I am powerful. I can reassure my children everything is ok as my house burns to the ground.
But at this moment I wanted nothing more than NOT TO have to rush my children down stairs to hide in the dark all while Praying that Charles will think they are already at school.
Your honor I’ve held, and shot, a gun once in my life. Running to my room for a gun that I’ve never loaded nor shot before was absolutely terrifying. Talking to dispatch asking her if it’s ok to shoot back if he’s in my house. The absolute horror I felt knowing I could die and my children are downstairs waiting in absolute shock.
He didn’t stop driving by. He drove past my house three times, that I know of. He was out of his car just two blocks down. If he was coming to apologize, like he mentioned to the officers, why not pull up to the driveway. Why sneak up on us. Why have loaded guns in the car. Why would Storm be so convinced he was coming to kill us.
Why why why.
Your honor, Revenge.
Revenge on me saying “no”. No to not allowing my children around a man I knew was dangerous. Saying no to a man I knew threatened his wife’s life multiple times. Saying no to a man whom got angry for not allowing my daughter to his house alone.
I could go on and on about how uncomfortable I felt around Charles. And why I kept my children away from him. But he taking their lives, I could have never imagined.
Your Honor I have what moms call a “momma bear instinct”. With my whole heart I believe Charles was coming for revenge. He wanted Storm to pay. He wanted me to pay. And he wanted his step son to pay. Pay for us not respecting him and the abuser he was.
He made a threat and he took action upon that threat.
Your honor January 24,2020 was a horrible day. Four innocent, beautiful, kind children could have been killed. Four children were set to be forced to watch their mother be shot. Then their own lives taken. I know this because Storm later told me.
Out of the grace of god my Brother in law was driving in Mendon that day. Out of the grace of god Storm had the strength to warn us. Out of the grace of god it took twenty minutes to drive over and through a canyon to our home in Mendon. Out of the grace of god an officer was close by and able to pull Charles over right around the corner of our home. Out of the grace of god your honor you are here fighting for justice.
Today I ask you to consider a few things as you make your final decision.
My 8 year old son Gavin has a sickness that is triggered by stress and anxiety. It’s called cyclic vomiting syndrome. After the event in questioning gavin was hospitalized so often that it eventually ended him in primary children’s hospital with an acute kidney injury and really high sodium levels. Gavin was sick so often due to stress and anxiety he is now on an IEP at school. Not only did this affect him physically. But mentally. Just last week Gavin begged and cried for dennie and I to stay home from our date because of QUOTE “you know who”. Gavin spent months sick and worried he, his sibling, and his parents were going to be killed. He will forever carry this burden.
My 10 year old son Mason was so struck by fear therapy and counseling was the only way we could get him to school. His grades plummeted. He started to cry at random times at school and home. He would hold onto his lip (show) tense every single day, for months! Mason has needed a new bed because his bunk bed was to close to the windows. He was spoiled with gifts because he needed to keep busy otherwise he would only think about Charles coming to kill him. He asked me “mom what if he gets out and comes for my wife and kids?” Mason is and always will be broken because of ones mans actions.
My 11 year old daughter had and still has nightmares that will keep her up all night long. She to needing counseling to go to school. If her dad got upset with her she’d feel scared.
My oldest son who is 13, now struggles knowing when dad leaves he’s the man of the house. This stresses him out so much knowing he has to protect his family from a family member who tried to kill him and his loved ones. The weight is heavy. He’s still struggling to carry it.
Both dennie and I have struggled physically, emotionally, and mentally. Dennie was gone that day and had a long 18 hour drive home praying Charles would not be released til he got home. Dennie knew if Charles was going to be released he was going to punish us all.
Dennie lost pay so he could be home. He lost his father figure. He had to deal with the pain of “you could of died while I was at work”. Dennie doesn’t cry often but the day he broke down is a day I will never forget. Years of abuse finally revealed. Years of hitting came to surface. A young boy named stupid. Dennie didn’t deserve Charles to be his father. No one did.
As for me your honor. I’d like to say that I am ok! I’d like to say I don’t feel scared every single day. I’d like to say I don’t stand between my children and their father trying to be a good father. Because a mans voice frightens my children and myself.
But that’s not true. I couldn’t sleep for months. Dennie was forced to add a security system in our home to be able to go to work, for me to sleep and for our children to feel protected in some way. I had to coach children to be tough even when they shouldn’t have to. I had to be tough when I was feeling overwhelmed inside.
This weight we carry your honor is heavy. The only reason we haven’t moved is because Charles has been held without bail. He is held without bail for breaking a protective order twice. He got in trouble, he went to jail, and he still managed to prove… nobody matters but him.
Your honor I am standing here as a mother of four children, a daughter, an aunt, and a wife asking you to keep our family safe. Let this abuse end. Let there be peace. Allow Storm to live a beautiful life, full of love and compassion.
Allow Dennie to let go of fear that he, his mom, and his family could be shot by his own step dad.
Allow my children to finish their childhood without fear of “you know who” coming after them.
Allow me to finally take this weight off of my shoulders. I’m tired of lying to my children. Telling them Charles is in prison for the rest of his life.
Your honor I thank you for listening. I know justice will be served according.
Thank you
Charles was always confused on how to act towards my family. He was always awkward, smoked way to much weed and used foul language in all of the inappropriate times.
I believe, He unintentionally made everyone uncomfortable. Some part of me felt bad for him. Hearing story’s of his own childhood. Knowing he didn’t have any family. We were all he had. His wife Storm, his step son Dennie myself and our children. We were his family.
We didn’t ignore the awkwardness of Charles, we just delt with it. Because that’s what family does.
Dennie and I got married in 2007. We got pregnant shortly after being a young couple so we decided to move in with Charles and Storm. I seen first hand how quickly he can turn from a normal human to being to an angered man who lays hands on you if you mis-step. I was only a few months pregnant when I had to pry Charles hands off of my barely 20 year old husbands neck.
That was the first time I’ve ever experienced anything like that. I’ve never seen a man so angry. I’ve never seen a man abuse another.
I could go on about the things I experienced while living in that house, but I’ll spare you the time.
We moved out. We grew our family.
Charles has always shut the world out. Closing the blinds. Smoking weed more than not. Drinking way to much. Threatening Storm to kick her out of their home. Physically and mentally Abusing her. Threatening to kill storm, Dennie, myself, and my children started to become a habit. He was isolating himself. He was changing and not for the better. Charles would threaten to harm our animals. He would yell at my kids til they cried. Before long he forced storm to take down pictures of Dennie myself and the kids. He isolated storm from everyone. Soon she began to get in trouble if dinner wasn’t made. If she wasn’t home on time. Gradually over time he became a monster.
I can’t count the number of times Storm had to stay at out home because her home wasn’t her home or because she was scared for her own life.
Just a few months before he threatened to kill us. Storm looked me in the eye and begged me to make sure she gets an autopsy if she ever ends up dead. She was certain that she was going to die and it wasn’t going to be an accident. I felt unsettled.
Threats to kill storm started to become a habit every argument they had. Charles not only would threaten to kill Storm but her only son, his step son, Dennie. He was so enraged that to punish Storm he would threaten to QUOTE “take your family out”.
When I found out he was threatening to not only kill Storm. But my family I was not ok with it. I stood my ground. My children weren’t allowed to see their grandpa, Charles. He wasn’t welcome in our home. Not that it phased him in anyway. He had so much hatred towards us all, already.
I couldn’t tell you why Charles hated me so much. But I’ll tell you that I wasn’t ok with abuse. I wasn’t ok with threats to kill our animals. I wasn’t ok with promises to kill My family.
A man who needs people to bow down to him thrives at every demand. But I did no such thing. Maybe this is why he was so angry towards me. I didn’t allow Charles to hurt my children or Dennie. Both Dennie and I helped Storm when she was in need. Maybe this is why he had so much hatred and anger. Charles is and always has been a cold bitter revengeful man.
The day of January 24, 2020 was another morning full of running around begging our four beautiful children to get ready for the day. The kids and I had planned to walk to school being that it is literally around the block from our home. As I do my morning begging to get dressed, brush teeth, and put on deodorant standing in the bathroom doing my hair, I get a phone call from my, yet again, very frantic mother in law. In my head I was thinking “really this again?” You see judge this is a habit for my Mother in Law to call me crying frantically because her spouse, Charles W. Leff, has threatened her life yet again. But this time it was much different. I hear a sheer terror in her voice as she begs me to stay inside of our home. “Don’t go outside!” “He’s coming to kill you!”
Being the busy mom that I am I tend to use my phone on speaker (more than I should). At this point, your Honor, my children are at the bathroom door in tears hearing that their Grandpa has yet again hurt their Grandma. Not only that, he’s on his way to kill us. They are listening like a hawk watches their prey. I see tears roll down their cheeks as I convince Storm that Charles isn’t crazy enough to come all this way to kill us.
He isn’t crazy enough to drive this way! He stopped talking to us. He wouldn’t allow her to visit us without consequences. He even took down pictures of us in his home. He wouldn’t drive over here to take the time out of his day. “Storm please get out of that house if he comes back, he’s coming for you!” At this point I asked my kids to finish getting ready for school and closed the bathroom door. She kept repeating “please don’t go outside, please”. “Don’t let the kids outside”
Finally like I always do. I calmed her down and convinced her to get her stuff and leave the house. Because he’s likely to come back home for her. Storm still frantic, We hang up.
Wow that was quite the phone call, it’s getting worse. Deep breath. That won’t happen, right? Time to go reassure the kids everything will be ok!
I open the door and do such that. We have a Group hug. We wipe our tears. I reassure my four children. No one will ever hurt us, grandma will be ok.
“Ok let’s get ready” but not minutes later. My daughter yells,
“Mom!!! CHARLIE JUST DROVE BY!”
Your honor. I’d ask you to please envision this moment. I just wiped their tears. I reassured them no one is coming to kill them, nor I.
You see your honor my husband works out of state. So being the woman of the house 75% of the time I am strong. I am powerful. I can reassure my children everything is ok as my house burns to the ground.
But at this moment I wanted nothing more than NOT TO have to rush my children down stairs to hide in the dark all while Praying that Charles will think they are already at school.
Your honor I’ve held, and shot, a gun once in my life. Running to my room for a gun that I’ve never loaded nor shot before was absolutely terrifying. Talking to dispatch asking her if it’s ok to shoot back if he’s in my house. The absolute horror I felt knowing I could die and my children are downstairs waiting in absolute shock.
He didn’t stop driving by. He drove past my house three times, that I know of. He was out of his car just two blocks down. If he was coming to apologize, like he mentioned to the officers, why not pull up to the driveway. Why sneak up on us. Why have loaded guns in the car. Why would Storm be so convinced he was coming to kill us.
Why why why.
Your honor, Revenge.
Revenge on me saying “no”. No to not allowing my children around a man I knew was dangerous. Saying no to a man I knew threatened his wife’s life multiple times. Saying no to a man whom got angry for not allowing my daughter to his house alone.
I could go on and on about how uncomfortable I felt around Charles. And why I kept my children away from him. But he taking their lives, I could have never imagined.
Your Honor I have what moms call a “momma bear instinct”. With my whole heart I believe Charles was coming for revenge. He wanted Storm to pay. He wanted me to pay. And he wanted his step son to pay. Pay for us not respecting him and the abuser he was.
He made a threat and he took action upon that threat.
Your honor January 24,2020 was a horrible day. Four innocent, beautiful, kind children could have been killed. Four children were set to be forced to watch their mother be shot. Then their own lives taken. I know this because Storm later told me.
Out of the grace of god my Brother in law was driving in Mendon that day. Out of the grace of god Storm had the strength to warn us. Out of the grace of god it took twenty minutes to drive over and through a canyon to our home in Mendon. Out of the grace of god an officer was close by and able to pull Charles over right around the corner of our home. Out of the grace of god your honor you are here fighting for justice.
Today I ask you to consider a few things as you make your final decision.
My 8 year old son Gavin has a sickness that is triggered by stress and anxiety. It’s called cyclic vomiting syndrome. After the event in questioning gavin was hospitalized so often that it eventually ended him in primary children’s hospital with an acute kidney injury and really high sodium levels. Gavin was sick so often due to stress and anxiety he is now on an IEP at school. Not only did this affect him physically. But mentally. Just last week Gavin begged and cried for dennie and I to stay home from our date because of QUOTE “you know who”. Gavin spent months sick and worried he, his sibling, and his parents were going to be killed. He will forever carry this burden.
My 10 year old son Mason was so struck by fear therapy and counseling was the only way we could get him to school. His grades plummeted. He started to cry at random times at school and home. He would hold onto his lip (show) tense every single day, for months! Mason has needed a new bed because his bunk bed was to close to the windows. He was spoiled with gifts because he needed to keep busy otherwise he would only think about Charles coming to kill him. He asked me “mom what if he gets out and comes for my wife and kids?” Mason is and always will be broken because of ones mans actions.
My 11 year old daughter had and still has nightmares that will keep her up all night long. She to needing counseling to go to school. If her dad got upset with her she’d feel scared.
My oldest son who is 13, now struggles knowing when dad leaves he’s the man of the house. This stresses him out so much knowing he has to protect his family from a family member who tried to kill him and his loved ones. The weight is heavy. He’s still struggling to carry it.
Both dennie and I have struggled physically, emotionally, and mentally. Dennie was gone that day and had a long 18 hour drive home praying Charles would not be released til he got home. Dennie knew if Charles was going to be released he was going to punish us all.
Dennie lost pay so he could be home. He lost his father figure. He had to deal with the pain of “you could of died while I was at work”. Dennie doesn’t cry often but the day he broke down is a day I will never forget. Years of abuse finally revealed. Years of hitting came to surface. A young boy named stupid. Dennie didn’t deserve Charles to be his father. No one did.
As for me your honor. I’d like to say that I am ok! I’d like to say I don’t feel scared every single day. I’d like to say I don’t stand between my children and their father trying to be a good father. Because a mans voice frightens my children and myself.
But that’s not true. I couldn’t sleep for months. Dennie was forced to add a security system in our home to be able to go to work, for me to sleep and for our children to feel protected in some way. I had to coach children to be tough even when they shouldn’t have to. I had to be tough when I was feeling overwhelmed inside.
This weight we carry your honor is heavy. The only reason we haven’t moved is because Charles has been held without bail. He is held without bail for breaking a protective order twice. He got in trouble, he went to jail, and he still managed to prove… nobody matters but him.
Your honor I am standing here as a mother of four children, a daughter, an aunt, and a wife asking you to keep our family safe. Let this abuse end. Let there be peace. Allow Storm to live a beautiful life, full of love and compassion.
Allow Dennie to let go of fear that he, his mom, and his family could be shot by his own step dad.
Allow my children to finish their childhood without fear of “you know who” coming after them.
Allow me to finally take this weight off of my shoulders. I’m tired of lying to my children. Telling them Charles is in prison for the rest of his life.
Your honor I thank you for listening. I know justice will be served according.
Thank you
Its crazy rereading this I remember the room, I remember the tears and snot running down my face and getting stuck in my mask. I remember the Judge letting us know he unfortunately can't do anything more for us because of the plea deal. Telling the court room he is convinced that Charles had full intention to kill us. I remember the weak old man sitting in a chair hopefully feeling lonely and shameful.
The day I don't have to remember this traumatic event will be the best day of my life. But reality is, if I want this man to stay in prison then I have to KEEP him there! We will have a parol board hearing November of 2022. This is when I again relive the most terrifying day of my life. How do I let go of anxiety and depression when I know this is my future? His sentencing could technically end shortly after the parole hearing. He was sentenced to three years to life. Who knew to keep him in for life I'd have to fight for it!?
If this isn't a prime example of, doing what's best for your children at all costs, then I don't want to know what is! Those four kids and my incredible husband are all worth it. But tell me how do I lighten my load? How do I do better at living? First step therapy, second step blogging.
To the loves of my life I'd die for you! I will never give up on wanting what's best for you. I will forever thank GOD for the beautiful humans he gifted me. And I will forever cherish and hold dear the man who I hope never gives up on me.
xoxo
Mom/Wife
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