11 years and counting.

Welcome back, me not you, ok kidding welcome! 

If I am being completely honest I don't have the energy to do this. I just want to sit down and do absolutely nothing. I have found lately that I NEVER want to do anything. Please, Please tell me this is a stage. Maybe this happens as you "get older"? It's my last year in my twenties I truly thought I was going to go out with a bang. But I am doing quite the opposite. After we moved to Mendon I was making our home beautiful. I was doing yard work everyday. I was constantly running around. Then winter hit. Mendon-ites say winters here are often different then other towns. Well I fully believe that. Although it was and is a beautiful place to live, the winters are MISERABLE!!!!!!!!! (Slight exaggeration). November we are outside playing, snow-skating, sledding, and building snowmen. December all fine and great we are loving the holiday, loving the weather. Januarrrrryyyyyy I am not kidding you I gained 9, yes 9, pounds. I was cold. I was bored. I had an affair on Dennie with NETFLIX. (I need therapy) I finally decided that I needed to break up with Netflix and get a job. I have been waiting YEARS to enjoy all of my kids at school and for me to have some god forsaken alone time. After all I think I deserve it. But when you just find yourself snacking, binge watching Netflix and gaining weight that is when you need to wake up, literally. 

Gavin being in school has been such a blessing I truly enjoyed my three hours alone. But now here I am months in, stuck. I am stuck with anger, resentment towards myself, many new habits that I have to soon confront. I look at myself and feel so gross. How could I let this happen to me. Being a busy human I was clearly not meant for "Netflix and Chill".  So what now? Like I mentioned I got a job. This job has been such a great thing for me. I work in a Life Skills classroom at my kids school. I go to work as they go to school. I come home when Gavin goes home. It has been the perfect opportunity for me. Although many will ask, "Why work with kids you've been baby sitting for ten years now?" "Why work with kids when you don't have to" "Don't you get sick of kids?". Apparently not! I truly wasn't 100% sure that I would like it myself or that I could "handle" being around kids for what feels like 24/7 but I do. I truly love this job. It's been a blessing in many ways. Pray for me guys, looks like I am just getting crazier the older I get! Anyway the reason for my entire rant above is because I am hoping that one day in the future I will look back and say "I passed the lazy and the weight.... I feel better... I look better".  I sure many of you know my memory is weak sauce. These blogs are more for my old self than you. 

Moving on.... here we are in March. As always time has flown right by. Dennie and I had our 11th wedding anniversary last December. I am ashamed of myself for not blogging it because shit I don't remember what we did! But the man I married is a pro at making my feel incredible so I know when I go back and look at pictures I'll be able to say "Oh yeah, wow hes amazing". In all honesty these last 11 years have been the best most difficult and amazing years of my life. I would not change a single thing. Thank you sweet (and super sexy) man for being so kind, forgiving, and loving. I cant wait to make new memories as we grow and learn. 

I guess we cant go any farther without mentioning anything about my beautiful children. Goodness they are assholes sometimes, but I think God made my heart so dang big and my memory short because I just love them so dang much!!! Gavin has grown so much this year already. He's reading all by himself now. He lied to us about being in the hundreds club (shaking my head) but he hopes to count to 100 very soon. They have baby chicks hatching in their classroom right now. Guess what dad approved? You guessed it Gavin brings home two chicks next week. Yay (giant sigh). Gavin is smart he's beginning to find his personality more and more. Still hes my baby don't expect to much!!! 

Payton.... my sweet innocent child whom asked to go to the park but instead decided her and Kendry should walk to Kendry's house without asking or even telling me for that matter! Oh hi, you're grounded. Hello future, I'm mom. Still y'all she cried and apologized. I'll take that over her yelling at me. Que flash backs of my teenage years. Wipes sweat off of forehead. Lets hope she learned a lesson. Payton is doing ok at school. It is still a constant battle for her to enjoy learning. I think shes behind but her teacher said she's coasting. She's starting to worry me a little bit actually. Payton will be talking but wont make full complete sentences nor make sense of what shes saying. This morning she said " The teacher was mad at two boy, she kept putting red on the board, but that actually gives us money". She knows what she wants to say but it doesn't all come out correctly. The teacher was mad at two boys for talking. She kept putting red of the bored (whatever that means). And the boys have to pay the teacher for bad behavior. But she made it sound like the entire class got money. OK, I'm not making sense but I am worried shes lacking something, I just don't know what yet.  Besides that shes the beautiful little soul I know and love so much, quirks and all.

Mason man.....My sweet sweet big boy. You are pretty much everything I have ever dreamed of you to be. Aside from eating habits like your mother. You are doing so good at school. You worry about others. You cried for about two hours last night because you've been carrying a weight that you shouldn't have been carrying but I couldn't be more proud of you for talking to me about it. You rock at math, reading and memorizing. You'll be the one who takes care of me I just know it!! Thank you for being you!!! You kids started parkour you're in seventh heaven. I love how much you want to do anything and everything. Your dreams are huge. I am so proud of you!!

Royce! The wise one. The one who needs to have the last word on everything. The one who knows how to sucker mom and dad yet can get into trouble faster than saying trouble. Your best friend, Jonah missed most of this week at school so your attitude has been slightly difficult. We just found out Jonah will be moving this summer I worry Royce is going to be having a difficult time with this. I will need to keep him crazy busy. If Royce is hungry or tired he is a monster (really only seems like one. Compared to most his bad is not even on the spectrum). But when your belly is full and your awake and happy you couldn't be more sweeter. I hear "Mom how can I help? You look stressed what can I do for you" "Hi mom how was your day? You surprise me every single day son, you really do! 

We went to Grandma Ellens the other day, she called yesterday applauding me with how amazing my kids are. And how polite each one of them are. Please and Thank you are expected in this family and nothing less so I'm happy when I hear they are doing good in the world! Lets hope Dennie and I still can kick ass when these nuckleheads are 16,15,14 & 12. Jessica your past self would like to let you know you can do it!! Stay strong!!

Well I've talked about everyone but one, Dennie Lee. The foundation of this family. Without him we would fall apart. Dennie is working tirelessly in Wyoming. Cold Cold Wyoming. Still playing Army. Still coming home as much as possible. Still not getting the credit he deserves. He works so hard for so little. He's amazing, I'm the lucky few. For example... Remember when I mentioned Mason was crying for about two hours last night I invited him for a sleep over in my bed. Well he peed the bed.... on our brand new mattress.... that Dennie bought.... last month. Now if Dennie has made it this far in the blog he is just finding out, Again Dennie you're amazing. We love you. You're so loved and forgiving. HEHEH. Sorry babe, I promise it will never happen again. But honestly hunny thank you for being you and for making all the sacrifices you make for us to have everything we've ever wanted. Even if it gets peed on.

Dennie is about to leave for training, he will be gone a month. So mid April come make sure I haven't gotten fatter or have gone complete bat-shit crazy! Maybe send help... or food? 

 

xoxoxo 

The Mom